This happens all the time. Every car horn, every whistle, every cat call and lewd exclamation, strengthens the lesson I’ve been taught over and over and over again throughout my entire life: as a lady, my body is on public display and open for judgment—from anyone.
Most men who will see this are decent, rational guys who will sympathize with my feelings. A small, vocal handful of dudes will send me private messages about how women like me can’t “take a fucking compliment.” This is not for either of you. This is for the guys who don’t know yet that attracting unwanted attention doesn’t make women feel good, no matter how nice their intentions are. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say that I personally get embarrassed, often scared, and always—ALWAYS—ashamed, in some way, in how I look.
So… now that you know, cut it out. Tell all the girls how nice they are and how amazing they are at their jobs instead.
so I can’t tell if this is a complaint about inappropriate comments like “nice tits” or just comments about looks and body in general, even nice ones. Two different things.
No reasonable person is going to tell you to learn how to take a fucking complement about your tits. That’s just a social abnormality, and only weirdos and douches say stuff like that.
However, if you’re villainizing decent guys for telling you that you’re attractive just because YOU’RE insecure about your looks, then nah dog that’s not fair.
Check it out, your body is not on public display. look we straight guys, we like pretty girls and T&A. Physical attraction is a part of the game of life. We check you gals out. Just like you check us out. But 9 times out of 10, I ultimately have much more pressing concerns than some random girl on the street’s body. I should think its the same for most guys. that is an irrational notion that you’ve formed yourself based on the experience of dealing some douches. Yes, there are enough douches for things like that to happen daily, but they make up a TINY percentage of the amount of men you encounter.
Well, in the first paragraph she states pretty clearly that that she’s not talking about polite compliments. She says, “Every car horn, every whistle, every cat call and lewd exclamation…” however, it does happen pretty frequently that after some stranger yells out of their car window, or makes kissey sounds at you from their porch as you walk down the street, whatever, if you complain about it to another guy, even a nice guy, they’re likely to be like, “Well it has to make you feel at least a little bit good about yourself doesn’t it?” Her point is that, no, it does not.
I’m sure Kevin knows full well so I don’t have to say it, but I’m going to anyway; if you want to compliment a girl, especially one you don’t know, do it at a regular volume, in a polite way (call her pretty, not sexy or hot), and never, ever, do it while you’re in the car and she isn’t. That’s just kind of threatening on the face of it.
The part that confused me is she says “even if they are intending to be nice”. Obviously a guy that says “nice tits” out of his car window isn’t trying to be nice. I dont understand why people like that are worth a blog post because they are obviously beyond the point of reason. It’s clear to normal people that that isn’t appropriate.
She’s not talking about it “being threatening”. she’s referring to how “her body is on public display” and “open for judgment.” She flat out advises all men to never compliment a girl on her looks basically in the last paragraph. If you are made to feel insecure about YOUR own body because of assholes who are a clear minority of the guys you meet, that’s plain irrational.
Perhaps it was just a quick post and I didn’t grasp the main point, but the way it’s worded just seemed a little unfair to decent guys who like pretty girls.
I think the point is that, unless the woman is chatting you up and knows you well and is interested in you in a romantic way, she just wants to be left alone. She doesn’t care if you approve of her looks, body, or clothing. Frankly, when a strange man compliments me on the street, it’s not only stressful and kind of scary, but it also makes you feel like you’re being scrutinized. Despite the intentions of the compliment, it’s unsettling.